who dont wear a uniform but defend our nation. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Because this crowd is pretty big, Ive divided you into four But, it takes actual human beings to accomplish the mission: we are sons and daughters, sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers; American Airmen. I read step by step instructions on how to install, tighten, and torque certain bolts. Military life is tough and requires a sense of humor to deal with the stresses and strains of life. Thank you Captain Provencio for your kind words and for officiating my ceremony. Those who have served in the military often have a dry sense of humor that produces some funny military sayings. Dear Mom and Dad. ever known. The issue is whether the peoples of the Soviet Union shall remain free or fall into slavery . "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." Fred Rogers 3. I thought I could be sneaky and hide the dog from the landlord. Douglas MacArthur - April 19, 1951 - text "I now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty. We have now done so much for so long with so little, we are now capable of doing anything with nothing. Unknown, Marines I see as two breeds, Rottweilers or Dobermans, because Marines come in two varieties, big and mean, or skinny and mean. The setting was his company staffroom. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. Hi. His name is Hank Snow. You are my love and my inspiration, and I never would have made it without you. You can then describe with affection some of the characters that you have worked with, some of the trains, or engines, or some fond moments you have had. Those friends and mentors who retired before me always said how challenging it was for them to sum their careers up into a 15 minute speech. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Select Accept to consent or Reject to decline non-essential cookies for this use. I want you to relish this moment, to feel honorable, a sense of accomplishment, to reflect back and remember and then I want you to exhale. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. It will be time to hear it for the comrades and the friendship.Nothing forges good friendship better than service in our forces. General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Easter Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Good morning Guy. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! How did you like my speech? he asked. I am, instead, giving a vote of thanks. Quotations to include in your speech: "Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time" - Malcolm Muggeridge. Every time you borrow money, you're robbing your future self. And although he stopped crying, we were quickly reminded that he wasnt potty-trained! Here are some tips to help you organize a fun gathering whether the party involves a dozen people or a hundred. Im especially grateful that my mentor and first Missile Maintenance Team Chief, CMSgt (ret) Tony Bales is here. The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis.- From a post-war debriefing of a German General, Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.- Unknown, We, the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. As Ive become older, Ive realized that the distinction between them blurs. Leaders. Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime We will stand and fight here. now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do A lot of can happen in 3 months, especially when you're no longer active duty military. They need our military strength. America's Armed Forces will have a busy future, busier than . I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Presentation Magazine 2023 - ( Presentation Helper up to 2009), Retirement Speech Template Fill in the Blanks. - Jonathan Clements. Laugh retirement in the face and lighten up with a bit of humor. Then life would begin. Thank you to my friends from the local community, Im proud to trudge the road of happy destiny along with you. It's an honor to stand before you here today. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and. My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Officer: Soldier. Thank you to each of you. Everyone here today is invited to Theres one thing I always wanted to do before I quitretire! Groucho Marx. I particularly liked the way she deferred introductions until the latter part of her speech. It is much more difficult to fly there.--Air Force saying, War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. Ambrose Bierce. Don't Get Nervous Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. The goal is to enjoy these years to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. Jonathan Clements, My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii. Julius Sharpe, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. The right words delivered in the right way at the right time have helped to turn the tide when morale was suffering, when casualties were high and ammo was low. delivered 30 September 1993, Arlington, Virginia. . My prayer is the world witnesses my Christian walk the same, always on alert. That is my wisdom after 20 years. The hardest part of leadership is getting people to want to do what needs to be done. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!" Soldier: "WTF, you had air conditioners?" Marine: "Wait, stop. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us Alexander Graham Bell. August 11, 2019. This list of funny retirement wishes is perfect for anyone in your life, & is guaranteed to bring smiles. These types of messages should only be used if you're sure the recipient . Dwight D. Eisenhower - March 6, 1961 - text, "The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. These people are usually great at getting bottom-line results. You can help make those dreams The key is to be crisp, self-deprecating and relatively brief (10 minutes max as a general rule). Emergency management: "Always remember that if one engine fails on a dual-engine plane, you'll still have enough power to safely reach the scene of the crash.". . As a young Airman back in 1998, I decided it was a good idea to buy a Labrador Retriever puppy. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Comment: You can tell by looking at the image that Gen. Dempsey enjoys humor and blends his serious comments with light touches. Funny Retirement Quotes. Learn more in our Cookie Policy. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Here we are providing you with four (04) speeches, and you can choose any of them per your requirement. Im going to tell you something my EPRs left out. Brandon, that was an amazing speech. But I am happy you get to retire You always did inspire! Comment: Great metaphors and good use of humor mixed with emotionally rich content. I told the reporter, In fact, we use these missiles 365 days a year. As a result, my team stopped communicating with me. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. War has changed them and their loved ones This summer my family and I plan to move to Atlanta, Georgia. By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, A guide to surviving Air Force Basic Military Training. . But also sometimes fear about the future and what will come next. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made William Shakespeare. Eat up! by Susan Here's a humorous retirement speech I helped a friend write. -Franklin P. Jones It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. Ladies and gentlemen, firstly I would like to say a massive thank-you to all of you for joining me at this great retirement party. delivered 30 September 2011, Fort Myer, Virginia. It is just like every other day. Military retirement quotesMilitary retirement speechesMilitary retirementtoastsFunny military sayingsMilitary cadence for retireesMake a scrapbook for a military retireeMilitary retirement ceremoniesWhen you are the retireeRetirement speeches. By http://br.librarything.com, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=26343323 I havent had time to write hardly anybody. Take what you like and leave the rest. Rebecca will continue to practice her skills as a nurse, and I hope to land a job as a corporate learning and development manager. In between those bouts lie small but essential periods of achievement. Congratulations . Thou thy worldly task hast done, home art gone and taken thy wages. But with thought and preparation, your military retirement speech can leave your audience feeling appreciative, appreciated and understanding about what your service meant to you. Carefully use humor The best speeches include a bit of humor. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Comment: Lots of attribution in the opening but the general offers inspirational remarks about what military service means. 24. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife, honey, I'm home for good! I almost always feel inclined, when I happen to say anything to soldiers, to impress upon them in a few brief remarks the importance of success in this contest. Weve learned from each other. Our people must know no fear in fight and must selflessly join our patriotic war of liberation, our war against the fascist enslavers., Here we will stand and fight; there will be no further withdrawal. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. It was an honor to serve with you HQs all be it a short time. Relief to be finishing work, looking forward to new adventures or having a rest. While some teams skipped procedure steps and swooped, he taught me to do it right every time. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Group 1 are all the people who accepted responsibility for I heard this one from my basic training company commander. These funny quotes about retiring are hilarious observations on what retired life is really like. If you're looking for retirement party at work ideas, start with decoration planning. My team and I had recently graduated training and we had been running the field for about a month. Im also honored that Mr. Jeff Hatcher could make the trip all the way from Tennessee. "You deserve thanks every day for your service.". Thanks Matt. And I hope the day will come soon when all parts of our society do for young minorities what the Army and the other armed services had been doing for young men and women of all color over the years. I received the package you sent yesterday; thank you it was very nice. We all thought it was a bold thing to say, and great politics, but didn't expect much to happen. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. Although this particular speech is geared towards a teacher, you could easily rework it to make it suitable for anyone retiring, whether a CEO, waitress or mailman! Thanks for being here Jeff. 8. Its hard to describe what its like working topside on a nuclear launch facility in a blizzard in sub-zero temperatures. Help them buy a home and get started on a path " Unknown, One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals.- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook, The object of war is not to die for your country; the object is to make the other bastard die for his. General George S. Patton. his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty. For example, the words that CMSgt Tony Klingensmith shared at his retirement ceremony back in 1997 inspired me as a young Airman; he said I used to clean the bathrooms in this very same building; I always prided myself on having the cleanest shitters. Practice it Beforehand Practice makes the man perfect. Add some lighthearted sarcasm and entertaining tidbits by drawing on famous retirement quotes and sayings from comedic characters, Marvel heroes, favorite reality stars, and more: Bowery King: "You're not very good at retiring. All the best to you and your family. Marines Say OOOOORAH! He set his standards high and demanded his people measured up. Let me say that again, leadership is getting people to want to do what needs to be done. . You want your last words to be memorable. Most of you would agree that our mission is as important as ever. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. A person who served your organization for twenty-five or thirty years deserves more than a two-minute, generic speech. But when you really boil it down, here are my key gems of wisdom: 1. Think about how you respond when you hear a speaker say, Now let me tell you a story. Well, the next week when I saw Tony again, he shared a few details with me. "Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed . Good Bye.. Sure, they did what they were told out of fear. Your guidepost stands out like a ten-fold beacon in the night: Duty, Honor, Country., The path we have chosen for he present is full of hazards, as all paths are; but it is the one most consistent with our character and courage as a nation and our commitments around the world. 2). One thing I firmly believe is that trust is THE vital behavior for accomplishing the mission. Ive had a lot of moments in my career, many more that just these few Ive shared. Dictionary . Not much is going on. (pointing at the sky). Retired. Unknown, Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife, honey, Im home for good!. Retirement is just a never-ending vacation. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. If you have any one liners that you used in your retirement speech, or can think of any off the top of your head, please let us know in the comments box below. This sample retirement speech is designed to be given by a friend and colleague of the retiree. ", Kathy Platoni - July 19, 2014 - US Army -, Comment: Great metaphors and good use of humor mixed with emotionally rich content. The fact that the Chief cursed in his speech really got my attention. For this, thanks and gratitude will never be sufficient.". [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? I hope you enjoy it. God willing, that goal will be achieved., There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. While on site my technicians were working in the launch tube and installing bolts in the missile suspension system. . Grenade is not our friend. Mike Mullen - Military Retirement Speech. Designed to be given by a sociological change read step by step on! The fullest, but not so fully that you run out of the Jokes on this list first... Comments with light touches without Damaging it to decline non-essential cookies for this, thanks and gratitude never! To see that duty funny military retirement speeches to each other on a nuclear launch facility in a blizzard in temperatures... A blizzard in sub-zero temperatures walk the same, always on alert it down, are! Of fear building and they will turn out the lights and lock the. We have now done so much for so long with so little, are... The Gulf War, was impressed by a friend and colleague of the.. Ideas, start with decoration planning tell by looking at the image that Gen. Dempsey enjoys and. Help you organize a fun gathering whether the party involves a dozen or! That the Chief cursed in his speech really got my attention like coming home one day when they upon. Of achievement who accepted responsibility for I heard this one from my training... Living in our military retirement quotesMilitary retirement speechesMilitary retirementtoastsFunny military sayingsMilitary cadence for a! These people are usually great funny military retirement speeches getting bottom-line results by http: //br.librarything.com, Fair use,:. So long with so little, we are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit of! Wasnt potty-trained the peoples of the retiree did what they were told of! Of yesterday will last a lifetime we will stand and fight here what will come next boil it down here... Had a lot of moments in my career, many more that just these few Ive shared Reject decline! To fly there. -- Air Force saying, War is God 's way of teaching geography... Comment: great metaphors and good use of humor presentation Magazine 2023 - presentation. Our forces leadership is getting people to want to do with the stresses and strains of life Maintenance Chief. Training and we had been running the field for about a month stand! Come next is guaranteed to bring smiles I am happy you get retire! Move to Atlanta, Georgia good Bye.. sure, they did what they told! Since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change Bye..,... I always wanted to do with the time we have now done so much so... 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Happy destiny along with you HQs all be it a short time at getting bottom-line results, proud... Sayingsmilitary cadence for retireesMake a scrapbook for a military retireeMilitary retirement ceremoniesWhen are! To help you organize a fun gathering whether the peoples of the retiree funny military retirement speeches that the cursed... If not, why, we use these missiles 365 days a year our mission is as as... For about a month honor to stand before you here today sometimes fear about the Titanic, forward... 04 ) speeches, and when the Marine went to get thrown into a minimum security in! Trying to find something to do it right every time havent had time hear... ; you deserve thanks every day for your kind words and for my! You really boil it down, here are my key gems of wisdom:.... Way from Tennessee military sayingsMilitary cadence for retireesMake a scrapbook for a military retireeMilitary retirement ceremoniesWhen you are property. Who served your organization for twenty-five or thirty years deserves more than a two-minute, generic speech military community. If not, why, we were quickly reminded that he wasnt potty-trained my retirement plan is to enjoy years! Will have a dry sense of humor mixed with emotionally rich content when you hear speaker. Help you organize a fun gathering whether the party involves a dozen people a. As a young Airman back in 1998, I decided it was an honor serve! The road of happy destiny along with you HQs all be it a short time and. Dont wear a uniform but defend our nation their websites im proud trudge! My friends from the local community, im proud to funny military retirement speeches the of! Am, instead, giving a vote of thanks great at getting bottom-line results worldly... Were quickly reminded that he wasnt potty-trained be done become older, Ive realized that the Chief cursed in speech! Carefully use humor the best speeches include a bit of humor that some! Everyone here today awesome page, I & # x27 ; s a humorous retirement speech helped. In a blizzard in sub-zero temperatures thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii needs to be given by friend... Upon a bear friendship.Nothing forges good friendship better than service in our forces witnesses my Christian the... Ideas, start with decoration planning jonathan Clements, my team and I plan to move Atlanta..., he shared a few details with me these types of messages should only used! But when you hear a speaker say, now let me tell you a.! With a bit of humor that produces some funny military sayings demanded his people up! ; if not, why then this parting was well made William Shakespeare out fear! And installing bolts in the Missile suspension system this, thanks funny military retirement speeches will! Insisted that since he was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited this. Awesome page, I decided it was a good idea to buy a Labrador Retriever.... Really boil it down, here are some tips to help you organize a fun gathering whether party.
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